For the past week I have spoken to friends that are all caught up in a similar situation as I am so I shared mine further and more in depth to what I've previously been telling them. As we talked and assessed our emotions I started to wonder what this all meant and tried to understand it in a physcological way so then as I researched on love and emotions I came across the term Limerence!
This helped explain everything! So I definitely am going through that.
I've been reading about it a lot and there is definitely different levels of symptoms and different levels at how bad you are in the limerent state.
From my understanding you've to take different factors into account to access how deep the victim has fallen, this greatly depend on the situation the sufferer or the Limerent Object is in and also their mental state in self belief and worth can play a big role in someone being more susceptible. I think with the latter the stronger you are to bear that the better you are at overcoming... maybe, I'm hoping this is the case with me so I can deal with it.
Anyway I'm glad I have gained this knowledge because it has helped me form an understanding/awareness and acceptance. Then hopefully I will find my closure and move on. This is the first time I've ever experienced this emotion that's why I was a little overwhelmed.
From learning about limerence I also notice I think JP is a sufferer?! This is why I'm annoyed and get frustrated with all his hot and cold behaviour and his emotions that are sometimes a little dramatic around me, I never understood these random actions until now that I'm doing comparisons to this so called disorder. So it can only suggest he is in limerence over me.
Having read some information online, one here is from wiki...
"Fantasies are preferred to virtually any other activity with the exception of activities that are believed to help obtain the limerent object, and activities that involve actually being in the presence of the limerent object. The motivation to attain a "relationship" continues to intensify so long as a proper mix of hope and uncertainty exist."
There are many aspect why I think he is, the most prominant is his hot and cold behaviour towards me. Hot in terms of him arranging a meet up, heavy flirting where we've exchanged sexual arousal and fantasies, making conversations to get my attention for example he'd only call me to tell me a story, ask my help, opinion in something that are always based around my interests. Cold in that the last minute he would cancel meetings, would turn me away if I suggest something or contradict himself later on with those actions mentioned above so of course after a while this just annoyed me.
So going back to that qoute he is trying to create "activities that are believed to help obtain the limerent object, and activities that involve actually being in the presence of the limerent object." but what I don't then understand is why cancel on me? It's so annoying. At first I just thought he is a horrible person but if he is in limerence then that would explain the cold behaviour, as extreme sufferers also experience fear. Who knows but I shall get back to this assessment as I need to go to bed and it's early hours of the morning already!!
Now I know he is shy and I can sense deep insecurity that's why I have never fully confronted him about this or I find myself walking around eggshells.
I now see our bond is one that is limerent to limerent. Hmmm, anyway I have been meaning to approach this in a way that won't make matters worse. I'm aware of some possible outcomes and the one I'd like from this shows a warning below...
"Lastly, those relationship bonds in which there exists mutual reciprocation are defined as limerent-limerent bondings. Tennov argues since limerence itself is an "unstable state" that mutually limerent bonds would be expected to be short-lived; mixed relationships probably last longer than limerent-limerent relationships. Some limerent-limerent relationships evolve into affectional bondings over time as limerance declines and such couples are described by Tennov as "old marrieds" whose interactions are typically both stable and mutually gratifying."
If I were to make a relationship from this I do wonder where it'll entail it all depends on how he reciprocate I suppose, his awareness and understanding of everything.
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