General stuff & Four Leaf Clover

Yesterday being a Sunday I spent the afternoon with a friend for tea by the canal and briefed her on my JP situation and how annoyed I was. Not only that, I was also returning her laptop she kindly let me borrow as mine malfunctioned.
C******** tells me that he was totally rude but also thinks he might be scared. Scared of what?!
"I'm not trying to be on his side but I just don't understand it! If he acts all nice, says all these things, sends all these poems and still having you around showing interest then why does he act that way??"
"He's just weird!!" I explained.
"Hmm, he is isn't he!?" Christina agreed.
She knows this because she's experienced his weird 'social disability' (as I call it).
He added her on Facebook and yes they've met once when I took her to one of his gigs but after a few messages his last messaged was
"oh cool, I was just thinking about some old photos I took in Thailand while watching this" 
of which he attached a video link of Eckhart Tolle- The Dao De Ching talking about life and awakening etc which personally I find the subject of this talk quite interesting but not Eckhart he creeps me out.

"My thoughts are my saviour"

Tea and dessert at Towpath Cafe

Afterwards I went to have a meeting with A**** who funnily enough is my friend's other half, well ex other half, the couple who I've mentioned had just recently split up after 7 and half years!! It wasn't awkward at all for me to meet him seeing that S** is one of my best friends. They are at this heartache stage of their break-up so I understood and I'm not biased to either side. We spoke about it of course giving my advice and keeping it mutual because we were all in long term relationships I could somewhat advice from my experience.

We met to discuss a project where I'm helping him with design so more tea and dessert had. Caught up on what he's been up to jetsetting around Europe etc. He's lucky he has all that to distract him whilst S** is on her lonesome away from home and friends. Oh come to think of it she's actually travelling a bit so that should keep her distracted and need to skype date with her soon to see if she is okay and keep her updated on my 'love' situation!

Well as we finished our meet at Beyond Retro Cafe we made our way and stoped at this one shop called Pelican and Parrots, hahaaa funny thing. As I was browsing I saw this shoe paper weight on top of a small pocket like book. I was interested in what it was so as I moved the paper weight from it I was greeted with an engraved cross on the leather cover so it was a black sacred pocket book...

It reminded me of JP of course and then when I opened where the bookmark was...

there was a lucky four leaf clover!

This is funny because when I dreamt about him last (read here) it involved a four leaf clover. And how the next day of that dream as I was waiting for my friends by Camden Town Station a woman standing next to me had a four leaf clover on her phone screensaver! So I interupted her, explained my weird approach and reason for doing so and why I wanted to take a photo of it...

Lovely Spanish lady she was. We chated for a while as our set of friends were all late. Says she grew them at home.

"Where's that?" I asked.

"In Madrid. This is my home." as she pointed at the picture.

"You grew them?!?" from this reaction I was more saddened that she was defeating its 'one of a kind' speacialness.

"Yeah you can buy them at this shop near Madrid and they grow like this. I've never seen them sold anywhere else before. Only at that shop."

So I enquired about it if they have a website I could buy from.

"I don't know, maybe... check. If you want I can send you some!"

"Aw that'd be so cool!! Yes pls!"

Anyway we swapped details I gave her my card but unfortunately that was the eve I lost my phone! So I'm hoping she will get back to me at some point.

She was here for 3 months she does performance and acting and works as a club promoter. I mentioned too what I did and chatted what we were up to that evening. They were going to watch the football match.

"I am so happy yesterday when Spain won four to zero!" she gestured with her fingers.

"I am a big football fan!"

Clearly she was.

I mentioned if she and her friend had time later they could join us at the gig I was attending. Her friend who lived in Camden arrived and was introduced, said our goodbyes. Shortly after my friends arrived.

Love in a Box

Visitting the past 

A couple of nights ago I was tidying and I came across my past Love stored in a box or two. It is sad that it has succumbed to that.

So many memories of joy, happiness and sadness in the form of images and letters.

Here are just a few to show you a snippet of my first love experience. Made me realise how precious people are to you at one point and how that moment is so great and you live it. I'm glad we lived it to the full. It made me sad going through them but mostly happy memories and it just made me smile as I flipped through until I saw this...

Photos on our first holiday in Holland.

Feeding friendly local birds during our trip to Venice for our 5 year anniversary.

This is the first time since G**** handed it back to me that I flipped through the album I made of us for our 5 year anniversary! So this was the first time I've seen the note written on the back of the first photo he took of me and carried in his wallet (which I've always hated). This made me sad... 
This was about 4 months ago when he returned all the sentimental things. I guess I'm different and would rather keep them to myself. 
"It upsets me too much to have them as a reminder." 
Was his reason in returning them all.

My First and Last Love

        Okay let me start a brief intro and catch up on what has been preoccupying my heart and mind for the past year.

I had a love that ended around 9 months ago. He was my first love and lover and my bestest of friends. We were together for 8 and a half years nearly 9 but the last few months of our relationship was cloudy so I wouldn't consider them part of that.

It was definitely great, a great adventure where I learnt a lot of things about myself, himself, others and general life of togetherness. We practically grew up together, a time of adolescence and I think that's what eventually parted us. We grew separately (in my eyes only as he always argues against this) as I think this period of anyones life is when you grow up as a person and develop self worth, understanding and knowing. 

We first met when I was 18 and he was 20. We had plenty of highs and lows and I never regret a single moment even the worst as it was our experience. 

GJ LOVE: 2002-2011

        We are still in contact... by email (how very formal). I try not to 'be friends' as I think it will be weird to be good friends and to know what we are up to, I don't want to create any emotional attachment with him that'll only create complications so best keep a distance. Who knows we might one day. It's over between us so I don't see why we have to. That's my reason and my decision on that maybe because I'm worried if feelings are still there it will only grow and make things more complicated which I don't want. Still to this day I think I made the right decision, I haven't missed him as such or gone into sudden depression which I was expecting to happen at some point but I've done well for the past 9 months and haven't had it yet so I guess I'm not heart broken!? I do miss the companion, being in love, laughing, arguing, going on an adventure with someone you care and love the most in your life. I MISS LOVE. I miss the happiness one person can give you and the pride you feel for making someone else happy!

We say hello or pour out our feelings or past thoughts to each other now and again because you can't just completely cut out someone who you have been intimate with and that close with for that long. So this I understand.

Anyway that's that. I said I will keep it brief. I'm sure I'll be coming back and forth on this subject of my first love now and again when I post something of relevance to it. There are just too much to mention if I were to paint you the whole story of my first love. It'll all come out eventually, bit by bit. 

What does LOVE mean?

I've experienced one true Love and that ended quite recently. That Love of 8 and a half years will always be my first and so far the only one. To me love completes you and only having understood that in its absence.

Young Love: me and G**** here only a few months being in-love.

Just came across this... What does love mean, described by 4-8 year old kids.
I find this post really sweet and reminds me again how I love a child's mind, its innocence, this is when thoughts and feelings are still very pure. Unfortunately as we grow older we go through the bad experiences in life where we just learn to live with it. That's when as an adult it over shadows our innocence, our feelings and thoughts get complicated and we forget to just be straight forward and honest.