I think about him everyday...
Seriously, everyday without fail. Either something would remind me of him such as a button (found one today), veganism, guy with long hair, a preacher or just ramdom little things that would, hahaa then I'd smile and think of him and what he is up to.
and would even more.
When I sense he is sad or happy it somewhat effects me too. I can sense his little fucked up ways and him trying to fulfill a happier soul. I just want to help fill his void. There is so much more I would like to say to him mostly this...
"Life is so simple, don't complicate things by restrictions to yourself. Live life with an open heart and mind. The world is out there for you to explore and do not build walls around you. Be free and don't be afraid to take a ride, it's up and downs are the excitement that keeps your heart pumping and alive."
And so so much more.
I once read an update of his "When your heart is aching, remember your heart is a King."
I wanted to reply "...or a Queen." because I felt this for myself. And to also say "it's okay it doesn't have to because I am here" but I thought those would've been too much so I left it and he never knew.
I once read an update of his "When your heart is aching, remember your heart is a King."
I wanted to reply "...or a Queen." because I felt this for myself. And to also say "it's okay it doesn't have to because I am here" but I thought those would've been too much so I left it and he never knew.
He is my second and also my last lover...
and the fourth guy I've kissed in my whole entire life. This is important to mention because I think he may think I'm some sort of player as I have been seen hanging out a lot with just guys and when I was invited to his house party. This guy M***** was really flirty with me and I'm too nice to be ubruptly rude. So when JP and I were saying our goodbyes in his front hallway, M*****'s friend came up to ask
"Sorry to interrupt. J**** right?"
"Yeah." I replied.
"I was wondering if I could take your number for M*****? I think he'd like to keep in contact with you."
"Umm..." A moment of awkwardness and exchanges of looks happened.
"Don't look at me!" JP replied.
"Oh umm, I already have given my number... when he was more sober! Haaha." I said keeping it cool and trying not to sound overly bothered. But in my head I was concerned what JP was thinking about this situation.
"Oh okay, sure." the friend said goodbye and set off.
Anyway I hope he hadn't read into that the wrong way! :-/
Which I suppose if I were in his shoes I would have and be thinking... 'How dare this boy lead me on and end up chatting and flirting to some girl at my own house party!!' and I'd think- 'you manwhore!' and be kinda sad about it.
During the evening whilst The J***** did a set, me and M***** were having a good time dancing like everyone else and he kept playing with my hair, hugging me and at one point also kissed me on the forehead right infront of JP! I was really hoping if he saw that that it didn't read the wrong way!
Bless M***** though he had beer goggles on so that's probably why he was affectionate with me hahaa.
Also at one point M***** and I were sitting down on the sofa and he was quite out of it and he kept saying he loved my trousers and rubbing my leg and playing with my hair.
"Are you al'right?" I said half teasing.
"Yeah he's fine!" Replied one of his friends.
JP then added something like
"Are you al'right there J****? Are you being molested." he joked whilst he was busy entertaining three ladies.
"Yeah! I'm good." I laughed.
But anyway people knows that I'm just friendly to everyone and that I make lots of friends and not just girls but lots of guys too but the main thing is no one else I think about but him.
and the fourth guy I've kissed in my whole entire life. This is important to mention because I think he may think I'm some sort of player as I have been seen hanging out a lot with just guys and when I was invited to his house party. This guy M***** was really flirty with me and I'm too nice to be ubruptly rude. So when JP and I were saying our goodbyes in his front hallway, M*****'s friend came up to ask
"Sorry to interrupt. J**** right?"
"Yeah." I replied.
"I was wondering if I could take your number for M*****? I think he'd like to keep in contact with you."
"Umm..." A moment of awkwardness and exchanges of looks happened.
"Don't look at me!" JP replied.
"Oh umm, I already have given my number... when he was more sober! Haaha." I said keeping it cool and trying not to sound overly bothered. But in my head I was concerned what JP was thinking about this situation.
"Oh okay, sure." the friend said goodbye and set off.
Anyway I hope he hadn't read into that the wrong way! :-/
Which I suppose if I were in his shoes I would have and be thinking... 'How dare this boy lead me on and end up chatting and flirting to some girl at my own house party!!' and I'd think- 'you manwhore!' and be kinda sad about it.
During the evening whilst The J***** did a set, me and M***** were having a good time dancing like everyone else and he kept playing with my hair, hugging me and at one point also kissed me on the forehead right infront of JP! I was really hoping if he saw that that it didn't read the wrong way!
Bless M***** though he had beer goggles on so that's probably why he was affectionate with me hahaa.
Also at one point M***** and I were sitting down on the sofa and he was quite out of it and he kept saying he loved my trousers and rubbing my leg and playing with my hair.
"Are you al'right?" I said half teasing.
"Yeah he's fine!" Replied one of his friends.
JP then added something like
"Are you al'right there J****? Are you being molested." he joked whilst he was busy entertaining three ladies.
"Yeah! I'm good." I laughed.
At the House Party where JP performed
These he will never know.
All he needs to do is set himself free.
And I will be there with my open heart ready to let him in.
I can see that at the moment we are some worlds apart and I feel my effort would be wasted if I opened my heart for him now.
I can see that at the moment we are some worlds apart and I feel my effort would be wasted if I opened my heart for him now.
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