I may have mentioned, actually I have previously mentioned about a guy I first met nearly a year ago. Y'know the one I wrote a letter to, that post is here... letter! Which I now cringe a little for doing but that was that at the time and I'm glad I did because that's how I felt. I would have regretted it more if I didn't. I'd rather cringe than regret.
He is still in the scene. Our friendship/relationship is really really strange. As I haven't had much experience with guys before I don't really know what or how to classify this social behaviour! hahaa
I need guidance, I have mentioned this to friends and they are as confused on what we have as they don't know fully how I feel or know every detail of what we have or understand this sixth sense I have (you know what i mean- this gut feeling or whatever!) or what we've had together (which is not a lot) to fully be able to give some advice. Actually I don't think I've heard such a relationship before?!
Anyway matters of the heart is always complex.
As I mentioned to a friend the other day..
"The heart is complex and love is complicated because everyone has insecurities and everyone is scared of being hurt so it's hard to be straight and make things clear."
No matter how much we'd like it to just be simple to fall in love and be happy we all fall back on our own insecurities when it comes with the heart.
I've put together a small mix tape a few days ago, songs that aptly describes my feelings which I'd like to give to him one day soon I hope, otherwise the moment will soon surpass. That's another thing, better to do things now when you really feel it because things will later change and the opportunity will pass, don't let it become a 'what if' or a regret. :-)
I have had those moments and it's a shame. So I try to live by that rule as much as possible.
My proudest moments are those opportunities I have seized! However big or small.
In this case, I am glad I decided to jump on the stage whilst he was performing to attach this badge on him that I had because I needed to leave and to say sorry I couldn't stay to watch his bands whole set, we only watched two or three of their songs. Also I thought it would be somewhat nice to do. It was one of those random moments that I felt like doing. Of course my mind thought "don't be ridiculous and embarrass yourself. People will find you weird." but glad I listened to the "Hey, why not? It's fun, you want to do it and to heck with it." thought.
The Badge
That was the evening we first met.
That was the evening he tapped me on the shoulders to ask...
"Do you think that girl got into that band because she slept with one of them?"
Something along those lines were his first words! Hahaaa.
So we got chatting. Didn't know he was performing that evening. His oddness and the randomness intrigued me.
He asked. "Are you guys staying around."
"No, probably not. Just came here to watch my friends show gonna go somewhere soon to eat and have a drink nearby." I replied.
"Ah that's a shame. Were performing later, we're the last ones on."
"Ahh, who are you?" I asked as I peered and focused on the list of performers up on the wall. Trying to read the name of the last band written.
"The J*****." He said.
"Well okay I'll see, maybe. We haven't decided what's happening yet so..."
We chatted a little bit more. Where I'm from originally, small talk etc and carried on joking about the girl in the band who were still then performing.
I hanged out with another guy R** whom I've met once before but only got talking more that evening whilst the others went to a pub nearby. We decided to join the others a little later as I wanted to watch The J***** performance. Me and Rob had fun, he was a little bit of a flirt and you know I laughed with him because I can't help but see R** as a little... lets say camp. I thought why not he's fun, he's young, he's gay, no harm in flirting there but afterwards I find out on our way home that he isn't at all! When he asked if I had a boyfriend and said I was pretty and that we got talking about his ex-girlfriends thats when I realised my gay dar was clearly not up to scratch!! I had mistaken his over flirtiness as my hope of having a gay friend.
Later on I wondered what P*** thought about this other guy I was dancing and hanging out with after we set off back into the crowd after bombarding him on stage that evening!
Well so that was that. I was given a business card and a little badge of The J***** so I went and liked them on Facebook. From that P*** later added me, that was the start of our contact!
